One of my housemates, whom I bumped into on the train today, told me that last night cops were handing out these flyers at the Morgan Avenue L station. “Remember to close and lock your doors and windows when leaving your residence” — Are people moving into this neighborhood really that oblivious? “Put things out of sight before parking your vehicle” — I would do that in the Upper East Side, forget Bushwick.

These bits of wisdom are brought to you by the 90th Precinct.

Thoughts?

#1 — $1600 — 3.5 bedroom: Uh, this is a cool apartment. Big bay front, great moldings, old fireplace, French doors, decent-enough kitchen, cheap for what it is. I’m guessing the “half” bedroom is either windowless or is just too small to call a full bedroom. PETS OK Cornelia and Broadway

#2 — $1250 — 2 bedroom RR: A bit rough-looking, the floors could use some refinishing — I’ve lived in worse. The space looks great, and has some attractive details. PETS OK Troutman and Evergreen

#3 — $1450 — 2 bedroom: Seems expensive at a glance but it includes the entire basement and there’s a private yard for doggies to run around in. Nice wood floors, too. Sounds like a sweet deal. PETS OK Gates and Central

#4 — $1400 — 2 bedroom: Nice place. Close to the Wilson L stop, and while not such a great block, it’s a 10-minute walk to Ridgewood food. Dig those old-style parquet floors and moldings. Could be $150 cheaper. SMALL PETS OK Decatur and Irving

#5 — $1350 — 1 bedroom: This place is super nice. Beautiful building and fantastic modern renovation. It is a bit south, though, maybe it could be $100 less, even considering the renovation. Eldert and Bushwick

RIPOFF ALERT: $1200 for a studio anywhere in Bushwick is a ripoff. The kitchen is new but it’s the absolute cheapest junk they could buy that wasn’t white formica — though fear not, the counter is most certainly formica that may look like stone to an absolute retard. And the bathroom is a vision in pinkish ceramic that’s supposed to look like marble. But no. And no pets? Put…the crack…down.

Bushwick wannabe: I’m not disputing that this place is nice, and $900 for a 1 bedroom is pretty good. But 848 Monroe Street is not Bushwick, it’s Bed-Stuy.

Dishonorable mention: “You are not dreaming!” — technically correct, I think it’s more accurately termed a nightmare. And in no way is it in Williamsburg.

One of my favorite buildings in Bushwick, at the north corner of Hernández Park seems to be under repointing work. As I understand it, that’s a big ticket job.

The unassuming brick house at 421 Stanhope is nice, but it’s likely that its neighbors and possibly even its residents aren’t aware that big-mouthed, lewd, gay-rights-defending sexpot actress and controversial playwright Mae West spent her childhood there. I trolled around a bit online and found mentions of a few addresses, but when I searched census records, I got confirmation.

I had also read that she spent some of her childhood down on Broadway, but I couldn’t find any records for that — it’s likely it was in between censuses. Enjoy the fluff.

UPDATE: Someone sent me this video shot around Bushwick — and the West house makes a cameo! Um…music not so hot.

It only has a few places so far, though I’ll be adding more in the coming days. If there are any suggestions, please post them in the forum, and they will be added!

Evil gentrifiers eating their organical foods. Photo from NYT review of NE Kingdom

José is at it again: bombast with little substance and scaremongery spluttering of downright lies. He’s getting quite repetitious, too: “We rebuilt up on our backs, and now it’s being sold to developers. We built this neighborhood, and now we have to fight for it.”

He’s conflating “neighborhood” and “community” — while the community may have been severely challenged and damaged in the wake of the fires and looting, and may indeed have been “rebuilt” in the decades since, the physical neighborhood is whatever was built up until the 1920s and then what was built by the city — almost no private development took place in Bushwick after the 70s until now. So if you’re gonna say anything physical was “rebuilt,” fine, but it wasn’t rebuilt on your backs — it was rebuilt on the wallets of the middle class, in places people from your “community” burned down.

José was quoted at two-million-dollar-a-year Make the Road by Walking’s latest high noon, weekday rally for affordable housing at the abominably hideous 358 Grove condominium, which drew the attention of the Brooklyn Downtown Star and City Limits. Two quotes from these two different publications caught my eye:

“A lot of the delis, Spanish restaurants, and panaderías are being replaced by fancy shops, organic shops, and Internet cafés,” said Lopez. “A lot of shops are shutting down, and the ones that are opening in their place don’t serve the current community, but the new one.”

and

“Where we used to have bodegas and rice and beans restaurants, we’re now seeing wine bars and luxury condos.”

One word sums up my reaction: no. Nowhere in Bushwick has a panadería gone out of business to reopen as an “organic shop.” Nowhere in Bushwick has a bodega closed to reopen as a “fancy shop.” Nowhere in Bushwick has a “Spanish [sic] restaurant” gone out of business to reopen as an “Internet café.” Every panadería with hot pink sugared pastries [sic, again], 99-cent store, and shitbag bodega I have ever seen is still in business, including the one that menaces and rips off the corner near my house, crowd of gangbangers and crackheads intact.

And trust me, if anyone would know about such things, it would be me or someone I know, and nobody can produce any evidence of such a trend thus far. There are simply too many storefronts that have been vacant for years that entrepreneurs are busy filling with still-too-few new amenities. Not to mention all the “old community”-serving shops that the “new community” patronizes. I see little market pressure upon older businesses to completely abandon their old customer base in favor of a few thousand people who don’t know what to do with a plantain — a variety of items can fit on store shelves, after all. In addition, I routinely see Puerto Ricans in the handful of nicer places in Bushwick — the word “organic” clearly doesn’t send shivers down their spines. Maybe this “community” of which José speaks isn’t as monolithic as he’d like us to believe, or at least isn’t willing to obey marching orders from official class-baiting organizations that claim to speak for it.

I do not deny that the trend José fears will happen in the near future, and it’s a distinct likelihood that he’s just gearing up his troops to, I don’t know, protest and picket a few of these “new community”-serving shops when they do show up. But right now, it’s all lies. And frankly, it just makes Bushwick look even more attractive to possible future residents. Hmm…just whom are you working for, José?

BushwickLou of South Bushwick via East New York has been recommending Dora’s Creperie on Myrtle in Ridgewood for a few weeks and the Miami crew got a chance to go this afternoon. The owners/staff seem to be Polish, but that doesn’t stop them from cranking out good French chow. Check out the full review at CafeHop.com.

From the People’s 311 Flickr pool.

Bloomberg isn’t just good at having the mainstream media fawn over him — now he’s got the bloggers on his side.

Last week, between blowing kisses at Bloomie, Louise from Only the Blog Knows Brooklyn wanted to know if any of us were at Bloomberg’s 311 buggie press conference.

No, no we were not. I might have been doing something more interesting…like turning my compost. I continued ignoring yet another subject I find painfully boring.

But finally, this morning, Carrie McLaren from Stay Free magazine alerted me to a project she is trying to launch: People’s 311. Fine, I’ll comment already.

My initial reaction was revulsion — 311 is just difficult enough to deal with so that you really have to be motivated to call in, generally guaranteeing the problem is big enough to even bother. But this expands the coverage and makes it nearly effortless for anyone with a camera to report every. little. infraction. — and it sort of reminds me of Cuba’s block captains. It probably doesn’t matter because the city will reject it — unions hate when people work cheaply or for free. Bad for business.

It’s not that I don’t think 311 can be useful — god knows I have used it — but I think bombarding the system with information about illegal advertising (who caaaares?) and 100-year-old peeling paint in the subways (come ON) can only dilute the effectiveness.

So what do you guys think? Is this super or Stasi?

Agents and owners: if you want to feature your apartments in the roundup, it’s free! But please send me an attractive, high-resolution photo, or several photos.

#1 — $1000 — loft: It’s 345 Eldert, home of the USE! PETS OK Eldert and Irving

#2 — $925 — 1 bedroom: Cheap! Wood floors, moldings, gigantic kitchen with great layout. PETS OK Gates and Bushwick

#3 — $1100 — 2 bedroom: Fabulous price for what doesn’t seem to be a railroad apartment — of course it’s in a totally rotten neighborhood. However, a 10 minute walk past Wyckoff brings you to what is pretty much downtown Ridgewood and all its bustling, intact goodness, full of food options, and you’re pretty damn close to the Halsey L. The more I type, the better a deal this sounds. This was originally #4 on the list! Schaefer and Irving

#4 — $1400 — 2 bedroom: Newly renovated, nice floors, big kitchen — looks like one of those buildings with the air/light wells in the center. Cornelia and Evergreen

#5 — $1250 — studio loft: I have seen these before — contextual new construction that is attractive enough. It says it’s at Bushwick Avenue and just “Jefferson,” so the map takes you to Jefferson Avenue, but I think this is near Jefferson Street in North Bushwick.

Know what I’m sick of lately? Activist types showing up here, getting all up in our faces about our part in advancing gentrification — or at least that we don’t weep enough about gentrification. The worst part is that for all their many hundreds of words on the subject, they can never seem to get any real ideas across. They’re infected by vapidity and are crammed full, top to bottom, with empty rhetoric. It’s hard to even look sometimes.

I had actually been somewhat avoiding the subject of gentrification, mainly because whether we debate it or not, it’s inexorable, a given. I didn’t see the point. What little bits I let slip as I otherwise walked on eggshells here brought me nothing but whining and hate posts. So you know what? Fuck it. I’m putting down the shield I use to bounce weak anti-gentrification spitballs back at their launchers and pulling out my bazooka — and I’m taking no prisoners.

Take, for example, poor Katie. She’s a volunteer at Make the Road by Walking, every Bushwicker’s favorite two-million-dollar-a-year protest organization. She’s a freshly-minted college liberal on a mission to “combat inequality in all its incarnations.” Aw. But it seems after Round One, she’s been KO’d. What a disappointment. more »