Today, just a thought experiment of sorts. I was in Orlando last week visiting the in-laws — more like Borelando, amirite? It actually turned out to be more like Bori-lando — the whole damn city is Puerto Rican, it seems. I said something to Luis, and he said “Yeah, Orlando, hicks and spics.” I responded, “I don’t see the hick part.”

“Well,” he shrugged, “things change.”

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Okay, since my tipsters will not relent, I will post for Bushwickers to enjoy: omg look a porn casting call in Bushwick! It’s fine that you have pushed me to this, because now I get to say this is clearly just some silliness written on the spur of the moment on the back of a flyer (hello, you can see the print on the other side!) and posted on a lark. Professional pornography producers do not operate in this fashion. Trust me. If it turns out to be real I promise to work as a fluffer for free for the top five guys in the signup sheet, sorted for length/girth. That’s how fake I think this is. *cough*

Bonus: apparently Gothamist has decided that the Morgan L area is indeed in Williamsburg.

Spring has finally arrived in Bushwick. It’s been an eventful winter for the hood, but the cold and gray can mute even the most exciting of times. Now that the trees are exploding into bloom, the birds are back, and you can finally leave some windows open and get fresh air, an extra level of sensory pleasure is applied to life. The surest sign of this change is the blaring music from open windows — speakers pointed OUTWARD, of course — and car stereos. Right now I’m being serenaded by the 717th girl to redo “Time After Time” to a freestyle beat. It’s actually not bad. Kind of nostalgic — I have flashbacks of listening to Power 96 (DJ Laz is airbrushed!) with the top down on my ‘72 Cougar. The one I could see the road through the floor of.

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The cameraman at one point shows his face and says, “scary!” I think it’s rather “embarrassing!” Funny how he stands there and is like, oh look the house is burning down, that totally sucks. Everything turned out okay in the end, just a bit of damage and some aggravated neighbors.