The Madness of Taxes and Tenants
I’ll be brief: In between actual work, I’m busy itemizing every last box of garbage can liners, every paint brush, every power tool, anything and everything we spent this year in any capacity on the house. My accountant says that because part of the house is a rental unit, we can deduct anything we used on the rental part and common areas. Since our own apartment is borderline squalor, almost all of it was used to bring the “paying customer” areas up to the standards of Western Civilization.
But why bother, when the paying customers are 30-year-olds who live like a typical 19-year-old and keep their rooms like a typical 12-year-old? No exaggeration, one girl who just left kept her room in a perpetual state of disaster. You could not avoid stepping on something in her room. She bought a bed and slept on it with no sheets or blankets. She tacked a piece of sheer fabric over half the windows and then complained it was too bright at night. I harangued her to clean up her room any time I had the misfortune of noticing it was still full of all the same shit as the last time I bugged her. Adding insult to injury, she smelled bad. And then she had her friend stay at the house for five days — which would have been fine if she didn’t have the friend stay in a separate room I normally rented out and use my electric heater cranked up to the high setting. I would have at least liek to have been asked, and I would have said yes. When I confronted her, she was baffled that I might be even mildly annoyed. When she finally moved out — after a month of postponing her move-out date — she tossed the splintered remains of her furniture onto the curb as if the garbage men went about their work happily picking up every scrap of refuse us residents were too lazy to bundle up. No, I had to bundle the pieces of wood up myself on trash day and stack them neatly. Oh yeah, nobody wants your hideous fatpants, honey, so don’t hang them from your broken-ass dresser on the curb like anyone in this neighborhood is poor enough or tasteless enough to deign to add such a hideous item to their wardrobe. Please.
Anyway, the girl who took over the whole apartment and then got her own roommates — yeah her CHECK BOUNCED. Well, since we both have the same bank, when I went to deposit it, they kindly told me they could not accept it, and they couldn’t tell me why. I got a lame excuse as to why her account was NSF, and since I’m a fucking pushover I’m not charging her late fees. I tell myself it’s because I want her transition into taking over the apartment to go smoothly, as it’s in my interest. Whatever it takes, you know? To not feel like a stupid fucking fag with no business sense. Anyway, other than that she’s a pretty good tenant, and her check did go through today.
What is so hard about putting the garbage can lids on tightly? Do they like rats? Or do they like seeing me have to rebag the trash after the rats shred it to bits and piss and shit all over it? Hilarious. For all of you, surely. Ah, Bushwick.
Maybe tomorrow we’ll be back to regularly scheduled programming. Otherwise, Monday. I know, I’m so presumptuous. You’ll live.
March 7th, 2008 at 7:50 am
I was a landlord in Ridgewood…..believe me, it’s no different, I could write a book.
March 7th, 2008 at 10:30 am
i like to think that when i was a tenant i was pretty conscientious, but honestly renters just have a mental block when it comes to things that become immediately obvious when you own. taking out the trash, being ‘casual’ about paying rent, reporting things that are actually broken and need quick attention vs. things that are just stupid … tho i never had to deal with a bounced check (not counting my own!). but should you give her the benefit of the doubt … for a while.
hey do you have those fancy locking-lid garbage cans the city gave to Bushwick? they work great, assuming they’re not so loaded with garbage you can’t close the lid.
March 7th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
lol! welcome to landlord world..the bottomless pit just when u think things are going smooth you get theirch call or in your case they come banging on your door, i saw a cockroach, this NEEDS to be taken care of IMMEDIATELY or i will call the city,blah,blah. dont get me wrong there are plenty of shitty slumlords out there that dont give a crap, but there r good landlords that do give a crap and r human and arent rich feudal lords which is people’s very wrong misconception and as jeremy points out behave like 12 years old and they want you to be your mommy..it is not the landlords responsiblity if u a)lose your job b)have an unexpected expense..the landlord is providing a service of giving a space. if u r the owner the bank, or city, or insurance company, or electric comp..you dont pay they take your house shut off your power..NYC is the worst when it comes to tenants.its the entitlement mentality which is inbred in the uber liberal housing courtds which we have here that make landlord crazy paranoid bringing in a tenant.just some of my own rambling..
March 7th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
JL, no, I don’t have fancy cans the city gave “Bushwick” — whoever “Bushwick” is meant to be — I have ones I bought myself that have locking lids. Even people passing by with corn on the cob int he summer make sure to snap the lids on tightly after they reach in to put their cobs in the trash — it doesn’t take much exertion at all. It’s just that some of my tenants have been grown up children. Fucking hippie trash.
The girl with the NSF check is actually okay in general. “No harm, no foul,” as my Texan friend says.
March 7th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
welcome to the land of extended adolescence. we’ll buy iphone and flatscreens and live with 5 roommates.
by the way do you need a new roommate?
March 7th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
where does the taxes part come in? if you own a 4 famil house or more, the taxes are capped by law if you live in 3 family your house is under assessed. Id suggest finding better tennants by building a relationship and making them stakeholders, not by charging insane rents and waiting until the renter figures out there are lots of other places, your isnt unique. Because your situation is far from unique.
March 7th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
I charge $1000 a day past the fifth. And if they have crap credit, two months cash security.
I also keep them on 6 month leases until I know them.
Trust is earned.
March 8th, 2008 at 2:38 am
Being on the ‘other side’ of this sucks too.
My partner and I are looking for a new place in Bushwick, because our current landlord wants to spend the next year renovating the building.
It’s like, “Everyone! Out of the pool!!”
Idiots like your previous tenants are so common that the rest of us are forced to jump through hoops to ‘prove ourselves’. I’m surprised the landlords do not give all potential renters clubs and a pen, throw a lease in the middle of the street, and let us fight it out for their amusement.
March 8th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Dresden, that sounds all well and good, but none of those things are allowed with rent stabilized apartments. The system is SO swayed towards the tenant side that it’s almost ridiculous.
With Rent Stabilization:
-You don’t have the option of offering only a 6 month lease. It can be no shorter than 1 year, and if they request a 2 year lease you MUST give it to them.
-You are not allowed to take more than ONE month security.
-You are not allowed to charge more than $25 for a late fee.
March 9th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
you’re just new to this game man. you’ll get the hang of it. def. get one month’s security, first month’s rent (in cash or cash equiv) and last month’s rent. I’ve been doing a 4 apt building for about 6 years and i did stupid crap at first also. and the $1000 late fee is not tenable, whoever said that. They could pay you nothing on that and there is nothing you could do about it, but of course, they may not know that and it may be enough to scare them into paying on time. U go to court w/ that tho and the judge is going to laugh in your face. i collect all rent through paypal also.. no bounced checks, lets the tenants pay by credit card, and easy to manage. unfortunately they take a 3% cut of the cash but it’s worth it to me. never have late rent b/c they can alway put it on daddy’s card. lol. for trash and stuff, i mean that’s just being a landlord. get their e-mails and blow em up every time they do it, and/or institute a fine. they’ll get it after that. anyway, i haven’t lived in my place for about a year and it’s managing itself quite nicely. when you’re not around, it’s amazing how many fewer problems there area. So just don’t make yourself so available to them. if the light bulb needs to be changed they need to figure out that they need to do it. the only time i did it was if i had some really cute chics staying in the place. but i would’ve changed that bulb even if i didn’t own the building so whatever.. anyway good luck. it’s the best situation going in nyc right now, so don’t doubt yourself. it’s been nothing but good to me in the long run.
March 12th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Heeeeeeeeeey!!!! Im 30 and my apartment is immaculate and I pay my rent before it’s due! BUT… i am guilty of the garbage lid thing… LOL! I know the rats will come if the garbage is exposed but i’m MORE freaked out because as I’m putting the bag IN the garbage i think a rat is going to jump out at me. I ususally try and get the lid all the way down but then my imagineation starts clicking and I usually only get it half way. In my defense though I try instead to take the garbage out in the AM when the garbage trucks are on the block and I can just leave it at the curb or hand it to the garbageman.
March 13th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
The late penalty thing is pretty standard form - and it’s not really a scare tactic. It would hold up in court to some extent, forcing some kind of penalty… if you have them on the books for $25 per day late, the judge will laugh it off. If it’s $1000, the judge should consider the loss you’ve incurred for legal fees and the present value of money. Granted, you won’t get the $1000, but you’ll get something.
March 13th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
dresden you are out of your mind..you will not get a penny from a nyc judge.out of your mind..
March 15th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Derwood - it’s neither here nor there, however I’d point out how much my tenant makes. Also, if it ever gets really ugly, you’re allowed to do whatever you want with your real estate…. like make it rain inside.
March 15th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
dresden did u see what bloomberg just passed regarding tenant law.u make it rain you are going to court..
March 15th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
So we’re totally screwed? I know a great lawyer…
Adam Leitman Bailey.
He never loses.