#1 — $1600 — 3.5 bedroom: Uh, this is a cool apartment. Big bay front, great moldings, old fireplace, French doors, decent-enough kitchen, cheap for what it is. I’m guessing the “half” bedroom is either windowless or is just too small to call a full bedroom. PETS OK Cornelia and Broadway

#2 — $1250 — 2 bedroom RR: A bit rough-looking, the floors could use some refinishing — I’ve lived in worse. The space looks great, and has some attractive details. PETS OK Troutman and Evergreen

#3 — $1450 — 2 bedroom: Seems expensive at a glance but it includes the entire basement and there’s a private yard for doggies to run around in. Nice wood floors, too. Sounds like a sweet deal. PETS OK Gates and Central

#4 — $1400 — 2 bedroom: Nice place. Close to the Wilson L stop, and while not such a great block, it’s a 10-minute walk to Ridgewood food. Dig those old-style parquet floors and moldings. Could be $150 cheaper. SMALL PETS OK Decatur and Irving

#5 — $1350 — 1 bedroom: This place is super nice. Beautiful building and fantastic modern renovation. It is a bit south, though, maybe it could be $100 less, even considering the renovation. Eldert and Bushwick

RIPOFF ALERT: $1200 for a studio anywhere in Bushwick is a ripoff. The kitchen is new but it’s the absolute cheapest junk they could buy that wasn’t white formica — though fear not, the counter is most certainly formica that may look like stone to an absolute retard. And the bathroom is a vision in pinkish ceramic that’s supposed to look like marble. But no. And no pets? Put…the crack…down.

Bushwick wannabe: I’m not disputing that this place is nice, and $900 for a 1 bedroom is pretty good. But 848 Monroe Street is not Bushwick, it’s Bed-Stuy.

Dishonorable mention: “You are not dreaming!” — technically correct, I think it’s more accurately termed a nightmare. And in no way is it in Williamsburg.