OPINION — Freelance Wasteland

Each and every one of you will be filled with agony upon learning that I am moving down to Mexico after a quick stint in Texas where I will, bizarrely enough, be covering a Sarah Palin rally in East Texas like four fucking days after living in Yankeeland for however many years I’ve lived here. She may potentially say some foolish thing. If so, I will relay this information back to you through some or another medium, but I’ll be ending the column — which is why you are filled with agony — since I will be living in Mexico for some reason.

Special thanks to that one black guy who always calls me Larry Byrd when he sees me because I play basketball and so does Larry Bird, the Yemenis at the bodega who sell $5 packs of cigarettes, and that’s it.

Also, I am sorry for some of the mean things I have said about various people and objects, or at least I ought to be, and wish to note that such things were in fact said simply for love of all of you. Does one not scold most whom one loves most? Probably not. You’d probably be more likely to scold, like, a child molester than your wife or whatever. To me, you are all child molesters.

In conclusion, every Catholic is a fool who believes in the Holy Trinity without knowing that this pernicious doctrine was simply the one of several equally ungrounded doctrines that happened to have been ascribed to by Theodosious not long after his elevation to Augustus. These Catholics vow temporal loyalty to a regime that has been more firmly than ever shown to be actively engaged in a number of extraordinary malovent acts, including the aiding and abetting of child molesters and even putting them in charge of children elsewhere knowing that such priests are fond of touching them. Meanwhile, you see all those Pentacostal churches that keep popping up everywhere? Those are breeding grounds for theocracy and other forms of lunacy, much of which will someday be directed towards you at the polls. I know that these people are individually quite kind, but people with such beliefs have never failed to take the opportunity to seize control of whatever machinery of the state they can get their hands on, and our Christians in particular did so immediately after having formulated their spurious doctrine of the Trinity, in the very same decree promising that those who fail to believe likewise "will suffer in the first place the chastisement of the divine condemnation and in the second the punishment of our authority which in accordance with the will of Heaven we shall decide to inflict."

At any rate, our Christians have been tamed by the ideals of The Enlightenment that informed this country’s founding, and those ideals need only be lost — as they are now being lost — in order to unleash upon a country the inflictions that have been doled out to non-believers by the Christian ruling class from the religion’s theological consolidation in the 4th century to the point a few hundred years ago when that theology first began to seem unlikely to a significant number of people who were clever enough to take power from them. Between those points reigned genocide and enforced ignorance, or at least more than usual. If you do not see those ideals on assault already in such forms as that of Texas giving Thomas Jefferson the Trotsky treatment and in the rise to prominence of such people as Palin and her fertile demographic, you are entirely wrong. They will continue to support the killing of many, many people at a negative strategic advantage to ourselves and with a huge degree of devastation inflicted on others, and the Democratic Party is not going to stop them for you. We have inherited a civilization worth maintaining, and to the extent that we abandon our responsibilities to do so, we will have failed a great number of people who have fought for liberty at great costs to themselves. To justify one’s apathy on the grounds that the system cannot be changed is absolute nonsense and very much contrary to the demonstration of history.

You should all be very happy to be living in a place of such interest and cultural divergence, within the effective capital of the world and among its unparalleled natives, and I hope that your time here is used valuably and happily. I do sincerely mean that, for what it is worth. I also considered many of the women here to be very sexually attractive.