I’m sure few of you read the Brooklyn Daily Eagle — the 170-year-old paper that covers a borough of 2.5 million has a little over twice the online readership of this two-year-old, neighborhood-specific non-print publication. But your attention is worth a few minutes for entertainment’s sake, just to take in the journalism trainwreck that is this piece by Rachel Geizhals on the coming firefighting shift closing in Bushwick.

Several of the people quoted attribute Bushwick’s “downfall” to city service cuts amid a spate of evil slumlords burning their buildings down for filthy insurance lucre, as if this existed in a vacuum. On the contrary, Bushwick did not explode unexpectedly in the economic crisis of the late 70s, it had slowly been hacked to pieces beginning in the 1960s with help from President Lyndon Johnson’s disastrous Great Society policies. Among other problems these policies caused, they made “blockbusting” possible by backing up failed loans — a midcentury bailout scheme, if you will, for the most careless banks.

City service cuts did follow this sharp decline in Bushwick — why throw good money after bad when you don’t have much to begin with? But this did not create the problems, and is not the same as trimming down one of the least-used firefighting shifts in the entire City of New York, as in the case of Engine 271. Bushwick is not burning, and in contrast to the simplistic analysis of historian Adam Schwartz quoted in the article, owners are pouring millions of dollars into their properties in Bushwick — in upgrades, not gasoline.

But the article really starts spinning off into absurdity when its segues into issues of gentrification. I was told by one of the sources consulted for the piece that the author kept trying to dig up dirt on the tensions between Bushwick’s communities. Apparently this person’s insistence that she is on good terms with all her neighbors disappointed the muckraking journalist, as she was struck from the story altogether.

From comparing New York in the “War on Terror” to London during the Blitz (where did she find this guy, Republican Party HQ?) to Laura Braslow, Community Board 4 member and head of Arts in Bushwick, calling all of us “colonialists,” this article is hereby the most absurd piece of journalism of 2008 — full of the kookiest contextless quotes, hysterical nonsense assertions, and fevered overreactions to a very minor night shift cut at only one of Bushwick’s many firehouses.