One for the homos: I know those Puerto Rican boys can be painfully hot, but they will cut you if you’re not careful. One of our 40-year-old, probably somewhat trollish denizens “struck up a conversation” with undoubtedly sexy 25-year-old Jesús Almestica at Stanhope and Myrtle one night last week at 12:15am. They went back to the troll’s apartment where Jesús, shock of shocks, tied the guy up — and now for the bad part — robbed him of his Gucci watch and gold necklace (did he also run off with his self-tanner and a lock of his graying chest hair?)

Mighty Christian of you, Jesús.