The battlefield.
The Brooklyn blogosphere is filled with many tales of woe, of homeland lost to marauding invaders. The occupiers are called many names: that weird bamboo stuff, that gross reddish-green alien-lookin weed; but their true name is Japanese Knotweed, and they are a cruel master. Nobody quite knows why they came: there’s even a rumor that they were invited as mercenaries to keep the wanderlustful soil from running away. Some claim they were first brought here for their exotic beauty.
As you can see, they make inroads anywhere they can squeeze their little red heads through, even if there is no sunlight.
I set out this past weekend to reclaim my land for the use of humans and canines and felines and many other well-behaved green species ethnically cleansed by the knotweed from this 25×60 country.
I raised my garden trowel as if I were El Cid attacking the Moors, except in flip-flops and without the horse, and began the liberation. I showed the adults no mercy: I grabbed them by the limbs and sliced them from front to back with my blade. They collapsed in heaps upon their still-living brothers. Here you can see their now-putrescent corpses rotting in the sun:
And here, their twisted and broken spines.
The once-again sun-drenched Holy Family smiles upon me as I free them from the grip of the heathen hordes.
In the fire pit we used only twice, their children huddle. For a moment, I consider sparing them and raising them as my own. But it’s part of their devilish trick; the children of knotweed grow up to themselves be knotweed. I cut them down like dogs.
Some I pulled out by their filthy, garbage-entwined roots. They will live anywhere. They disgust me.
I realize it’s a hideous prospect, but they can even be eaten after slaughter — I thought maybe this would deter their numbers but it has had no effect. They truly are a barbarian race.
I will be fighting their numbers for aeons, I know. But my reward will be heaven — at least, in the form of a great outdoor space. They have already begun to write tales of my glory.
Knotweed, watercolor, by Jeremy Sapienza.
(If you have any knotweed adventures, please send me your links and I’ll do a Knotweed Inquisition roundup.)
Jimmy Legs June 18th, 2007 at 7:14 pm
Jeremy, you so crazy.
now, have you actually eaten any knotweed? if i can get a report on what it tastes like i’ll follow suit!
Jeremy June 18th, 2007 at 7:15 pm
Lemony rhubarb. Make sure you don’t use any of the hard fibery parts. This time of year you can strip the leaves and sautee them like spinach. If you can not be grossed out by the origin, it’s pretty damn good. I’m gonna cook some up tonight with chicken and rice.
Mary June 18th, 2007 at 11:25 pm
great story jeremy. sounds like you are having a lot of fun in the backyard. yes weeding takes a lot of time, and we have to reclaim the land for ourselves.
last year i bought gallons and gallons of round up and that only serves to temporarily fix the problem.
anyone care to confess they have a broken sidewalk, with weeds to pull out of that?
it’s only a matter of time before jeremy’s patio set is ready for the backyard.
The Changeling June 19th, 2007 at 8:32 am
This story was great Jeremy! I wish that my weed-pulling adventures were half as fun as yours.
Jeremy June 19th, 2007 at 9:17 am
Well, I think being a guy helps, and having a big yard full of things I’m allowed to hack down with a blade — even if it is a garden trowel. HD doesn’t seem to sell machetes, what’s up with THAT?
Anonymous June 19th, 2007 at 10:50 am
I assume you are going to the BedSty HD? That place is awful. They are unhelp, rude, and could care less about you. They don’t have the best selection either.
Anyone ever been to the one in Glendale? It’s probably closer but harder to get to.
Those weeds can be tough, and round up doesn’t always do the trick.
Jeremy June 19th, 2007 at 10:57 am
Yes, that place IS awful, especially the garden center. If you need help, prepared to be met with exaggerated rolls of the eyes, and got a question about a plant? Forget it, they don’t know anything about plants except they’re pretty sure you have to water them or they die. And even then, a good portion of their plants are half dead.
I’d go to one of the Red Hook nurseries but I don’t have a car, and I don’t want a car just to go to the damn nursery. Fixing up a house is getting to be nearly impossible without one, though, so I’m seeing what my options are. It’s another huge layer of bureaucratic crap I never wanted to have to deal with again. I’d love to pay someone a monthly fee for the use of their pickup truck on weekdays when they’re at work, or on the occasional weekend. Of course that’s only worth it if they’re close.
I’m gonna walk to the Ace on Knickerbocker because I need a hose long enough to reach from the sink in my basement, up the stairs, to my back yard. And at least the Ace is family-owned and they’re nice and helpful and know exactly where everything is. Hm, I bet they have a machete.
Mary June 19th, 2007 at 12:54 pm
I agree about that HD. At first I thought yeah we have a HD in this neck of the woods of Brooklyn, but then you get so frustrated with how they treat you. Good luck if you want to have some keys made, or if you are looking for a variety of things other HD have. They never seem to have enough registers open either, and the cashier act as if they aren’t getting paid at all.
Red Hook is quite a hike Jeremy. When you do find time to even head over there, and are you taking a car service back, or taking the bus. Either way carrying those items can’t be fun. It is difficult without a car. I too am looking for options, but don’t know friends with cars either. That’s a great idea about using someone’s vehicle when they are at work – like a co op arrangement.
I guess we need to determine what percentage of people work in Bushwick.
I heard about that ACE on Knickerbocker but have’t been. I’m afraid their hours might not be good, and hiking over there from the Broadway side of town might not be worth it. But supporting local family businesses is a plus. Good luck with the machete. Be careful where you start hacking away though!
Wickster June 19th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Sucks when you have plants growing out of the sidewalk. Does Bushwick have any good green blocks?
jenblossom June 19th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
This post made me laugh out loud. And I will put a lot of strange stuff in my mouth, but I can’t imagine eating this stuff.
Jeremy, have you considered signing up for Zipcar? We are pretty sure we’re going to do it, particularly now that there are Zipcar lots in Fort Greene.
jenblossom June 19th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Also, you should totally make t-shirts of that watercolor. I’d buy one. :)
Matt June 19th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
hah. Good read!
We were lucky enough to not have that evil in our midst. We did fight the good fight with other weeds our first two years, and diligence does pay off. That, and planting grass.
Our only issue this spring was the never ending green onion horde in our new grass on the back 40. (40 sq. ft that is) I fully expect to deal with that again next spring. All from a buried, broken pot of green onions. Those suckers spread like plague, but not as bad as your situation. Good luck and godspeed the downfall of the knotweed.
Jeremy June 19th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Jen, Ft Greene is way too far for me to pick up a tiny little car. I need access to a truck, say, once a week or even once every two weeks. I’ll figure something out.
I’d love a knotweed t-shirt too (“I survived knotweed”?) but I’m not sure how marketable it would be. :-D
jenblossom June 19th, 2007 at 2:59 pm
Jeremy, they don’t just have tiny cars – some people moved into the lofts across the street using a Zipcar minivan, and I know they have pickups and SUVs as well.
Jeremy June 19th, 2007 at 3:04 pm
Oh! Cool, thanks for the info. Yeah I saw a Zipcar on Bogart one day.
Wickster June 19th, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Be careful of zipcar. I signed up and they have very few cars available, and the rates are not as cheap as you would think. A daily rental is $140/day and they usually only have only car available in the nothern bushwick area – a volvo.
Wickster June 19th, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Also the hourly rate is not what they advertised either.
TulipGirl June 19th, 2007 at 4:12 pm
The zipcars aren’t what they appear. I was excited too, but once I joined it was a different story, and I haven’t rented one yet.
Good luck with your flowers Jeremy.
anonymous June 19th, 2007 at 6:30 pm
I haven’t used zipcar either. There is not enough supply of cars out there and their prices are not good.
I have those darn weeds in my yard too. You got to pull them up by the roots otherwise they won’t go away.
Has anyone chanced putting flower pots in their front yards or steps or will these too get stolen like garbage cans?
Kevin Backmann June 19th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
I grew up in Bushwick from 1950-1971 and I really enjoyed your site, it brought back quite a few memories. I loved growing up there, went to St. Barabara’s grammar school for 8 year, played stickball on Bleecker Street between Central & Evergreen all summer long. The apartment building I grew up in is long gone, (294 Central Avenue) but it was a cool neighborhood to be a kid in.
I said all of that to say this: It’s way cool to see some one with spirit back in the neighborhood, it’s been long overdue.
I’ll see if I can find some old pictures of Central Avenue, I have just a few, and I’ll scane em’ send em’ on if you would like.
Thanks…
Kevin Backmann
Dallas, Tx
Jeremy June 19th, 2007 at 10:18 pm
Kevin, that would be great! I’ll post them here.
Mary June 20th, 2007 at 1:22 am
Kevin, yes it’s great that Jeremy has started this blog, and is trying to bring the spirit and dignity back to Bushwick.
Xris (Flatbush Gardener) June 21st, 2007 at 12:53 pm
I feel your pain.